Ever since I received the text on Friday from my husband I have had a heavy heart. A text that briefly told me about the school shooting. I tried to stay tuned out...delay the inevitable. An elementary school. I knew I had to get my girls down for a nap. Once I did I turned to twitter and tv. I spent the next 2 1/2 hours crying, praying, cussing. The emotions went through me. And then as my girls woke from their nap, I went numb. I had to. I don't want them to know this kind of evil yet. Ayda picks up on my emotions well. I had to smile and go about our day. But my heart was so heavy. And so it has been all weekend. My kids playing together and laughing...my thoughts go to the quiet, grieving homes of the victims. I've been in prayer for the town where it all took place, for our torn country, for myself to find peace. I can't find peace in this. I hug my kids tighter, kiss them more, but in all honesty I don't think I've taken my children's lives for granted one day. I worked in a NICU for 4 years. I learned quickly there how precious life is. But yes, an event like this reminded me of the many blessings in my life. So I wish as I conclude I could say I found peace. Listening to President Obama speak helped. Reading some writers and bloggers who I respect has helped. But I'm not there. I'm wrestling with it. I think about it in the quiet of the night. And so I continue for now as I did on Friday...I cry, I pray, and I cuss. I let my emotions flow. I pray and pray and pray for Newtown and our country.
Jesus be with us.
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