thoughts...

It's only wednesday...this week has gone so slow. Work is different now. There is a hole that Terri left. I am struggling with grasping the fact she is gone. I want to be in denial but I have to face it. I lost my precious Grandfather a little over a month ago. His death was so different than this. He had time to say goodbye. Time for closure. Not to say his death was not hard on me but I felt ready. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Terri. Our unit is a family. We surround each other with love and support during good times and bad. It's hard with this because we are all grieving. The nurses, doctors, practitioners, social workers, dieticians, even some families. The sadness comes and goes for me. I'll be fine for a while and then it hits me again. Her funeral is Saturday. I hope get some kind of closure from that. My heart hurts for her family and for losing a friend.
Anyway, hate to have a debbie downer post. I needed to get things off my mind some and this is where I put most things anyway.
On a happy note...I caught Ayda today on her forearms and up on her knees today. So help me if she starts crawling anytime soon! She is wild (dad and lori...I thought you would be safe to not child proof before June but she may have other plans!).
Please continue to keep the Wade family in your prayers. And the NICU family as well. Thanks

Processing a loaded day...

Yesterday was quite a day. So many emotions to process. As I left work in the morning I called my mom to chat (this is common since she is usually heading to work when i am heading home and we talk so I can stay awake driving). Except yesterday was different when she answered. A friend of mine from work was diagnosed with a brain tumor two weeks ago. Had surgery the next day and was supposed to do fine. Several complications set in and we knew her time here on earth was coming to an end. I checked her website right before I left work and there was nothing new. However when mom answered with tears in her eyes I knew something had changed. My friend and coworker passed away. Immediately tears started flowing down. I contemplated needing to pull over but instead got myself together enough to just get home. Terri had a huge impact on whoever she was around, but especially at work. It was always so clear she was not there for the pay check. She loved those babies so much and advocated for them constantly. And she was so fun to work with. So I got home and cried some more before getting Ayda up. I had been planning to take her to story time at the local library and decided to go ahead and still go. It would be a "happy" in my day. And it was. Ayda had so much fun. Other than trying to eat the books and her name tag she did great. We got home and picked up Kevin and all went to lunch. When your mind is on something like this with Terri, any family time you have just seems to mean that much more. After lunch Ayda and I went to bed and napped. At some point through the day I also received an email from my brother about a friend of his and Allison's that was due to have their baby yesterday. Planned C-section. We have been praying for this sweet little boy for over half of her pregnancy. He was diagnosed with a syndrome that can either take his life or simply cause some mental retardation. Yesterday was the day to find out the severity. When I read that email I just said "Come on God please let this one turn out ok. Two in one day is too much". Baby Trust was born and appears to be doing ok. I have taken care of kids with his syndrome and Trust really looks like he might have the less severe form. I am hopeful. Then last night I finally got online to check a blog I have been following for months. A sweet baby boy with a heart condition. He had surgery last week to correct the defect. It was 65% effective. When I got on the blog his mom joyfully had reported they were discharged and heading home. Their family has been separated for 5 weeks. So as I watched a video of their journey tears of joy came out. 

As I laid in bed last night I was processing everything from the day. There is grieving and sadness for Terri and her loss. Our NICU will have a hole in it without her there. I cried so many tears yesterday as i thought of her husband, son, and extended family facing each new day without her. Then there is a family that is waiting with anticipation to find out the future/prognosis for their precious son. I wait with hope with them. And then a family that will be reunited today with a baby that is not fully healed but can be at home to grow until he can have a surgery that will fix the problem. Sadness, mourning, hope, anticipation, joy, happiness, relief. I laid there and thought "wow what a loaded day". I was exhausted. My precious husband offered to take over night time duty with Ayda so i could just sleep. I got up to feed her a couple times but when she usually wakes up in the early part of the night he took care of her. The rest has done so much good to help me face today. My heart is more heavy for the loss of Terri as the reality sets in. Please keep her family, the Brown family, and baby Stellan in your prayers. Now I am off to play with my sweet baby!!!

Pink and Brown

I LOVE the combo of pink and brown for a baby girl. It is probably good we did not find out what we were having or Ayda's room would most definitely be pink and brown!! So...Ayda has quite a few outfits with these colors. I can't resist them...hence my new "Ayda" budget! Anyway I took some pictures of her today in her outfit. I am all about her little leggings as well. They barely get washed before I have an outfit that they would go with ready to go. Target is calling my name to get more but alas...the budget! UGH! She also just got some new jammies that I am crazy about. She is just so stinkin cute! Enjoy! :)

Her giraffe pj's! (And as a side note...Kevin and I have finally figured out who she looks like. Yes she obviously favors Kevin in many ways. But we never felt like she looked like him completely. The winner...Ayda's Grandpa Lin, Kevin's Dad! When he came to visit a few weeks ago we finally put our thumb on it. And this picture is shows it well!)


I think more teeth are on the way...drooling has taken over again!
The awesome leggings!

Friends, family, and Easter!

Ayda and her friend Nathan (my best friend's baby)! They have met many times but we never could seem to get a good picture of them. They had a play date the other week and had so much fun!
                           Playing at home!                   My mom and Ayda searching very hard for easter eggs!
   Ayda with one of her Great-grandmas! She is blessed to have four amazing great grandmas!
                                  Four generations!
                      Watching the Masters!

                  Ayda meeting her newest friend, Kira!
                  Very excited about her Easter basket!
                She went through it and loved her new toys
     She had another Easter basket waiting for her at Grand-Pam's
She loved the fluffy white rabbit in that basket. Of course she chewed on his ear right away

                 So proud after rolling from her back to her tummy!

Ayda's First Easter

So Ayda had a great Easter. I will post pics later this week once I get them uploaded. BUT I thought I would share what the Easter Bunny brought her today. He didn't bother to let me know it was coming...her first tooth! She is only 4 months old and she has a tooth on the bottom. I have to admit I am torn on my feelings about this. I am excited because she has worked very hard to get it to come on through (ie chewing, chewing, chewing and drooling). But it just means she is getting older TOO fast! I am not ready to give up her gummy smile! I am hoping though since this one came so early, the rest will come one at a time and make it easier on her!
Back to Easter...we enjoyed a great service at church. Ayda always sits with us during church and today she actually decided to stay awake for the whole service and didn't make a peep! I'm weird about putting her in the daycare for the service but also love having her with us. I know we won't be able to forever because she will likely start making more noise but for now we love being able to worship as a family. Friday night Kevin and I went to the Good Friday service and left Ayda with Aunt Lauren. We both agreed it was weird being there without her. Anyway, after church we headed to my mom's for a wonderful lunch. Happy Easter to you all! We had a wonderful day celebrating the Life of Christ!

Four Months Old!

Ayda is now four months old. Time is flying!!! We have had a blast with her this month to say the least! She went to the pediatrician yesterday and weighed in at 14 pounds 5 ounces and is 24 inches long. Needless to say her doctor was impressed. We talked about when to start her on food since she is SUPER interested right now. I am planning to hold off for at least another month. She is obviously doing just fine being breastfed only...even if she is not fully convinced!

Some other things Ayda accomplished this month are:

A trip to NC to meet tons of family, including her great-grandma who she shares a birthday with.

She can now reach out and grab a toy...and promptly stick it in her mouth

She has rolling over down pat, though we are still working on going from back to front.

She can sit up with less and less support.

She is sleeping at least 8 hours at night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She has a tooth coming. We don't know when but it is well on its way and her doctor feels like it definitely will be sooner than later that it cuts.

She had her first night without mommy and daddy. And she did just fine...Thanks Grand-Pam for pulling a night shift!

And as of yesterday she has found her thumb. She still prefers the passy when she is tired, but the thumb works great the rest of the time!

So it has been a busy month of growing, eating, chewing, drooling, playing, and learning! 

         Tommy the Monkey and Ayda!

    (Aunt Allison...does this outfit look familiar?!)

 

Blowing some bubbles
       

Ayda's Dedication

After a fun night on Saturday celebrating Kevin, we woke up Sunday ready to celebrate our precious baby girl. We know that Ayda is a gift from the Lord and it was important for us to have her dedicated at our church. With family and friends in town for Kevin we planned to do it the same weekend. Some close friends of ours also had their baby, Meira, dedicated too. Susan and Josh are in our small group and we met them when Susan was at the end of her first trimester with Meira. They have very similar views as us concerning medicine and holism. They too had Meira at home and were a huge support to Kevin and I as we made plans to do the same. So it only seemed fit to have the girls dedicated together! It was so special to have them with us on this important day. Ayda did so great for the dedication and then went straight to sleep in my arms when we sat back down. She slept through the sermon (we'll work on that in later years!) and woke up with smiles. After church everyone came to our house and we had a nice luncheon in honor of Ayda. It was a sweet morning and something I will always treasure. I prayed so many times during my pregnancy that Christ would just sit with Ayda in my womb. Knit her together perfectly and just be with her. When Ayda would go crazy in my womb I would wonder if she was just praising her Lord. And now the past four months her joyful personality reminds me of the joy we have in Christ. I know God has amazing plans for her life and Kevin and I are honored to be her parents and raise her in the way Christ would have us do so.
So here are the pictures from Ayda's big morning! And thanks to all of you that have already played such a huge role in her life. She has amazing great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, god-parents, and friends! Kevin and I are so blessed to have the support system we do to be the best parents we can be for her! Thank you so much!

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