Judah Alexander

I am still trying to process everything that has happened in the past week or so. My brother and SIL have been on a long journey to adopt a baby from Africa. After a long 9 months of them being told they would get their referral any day, they received news of their sweet son two weeks ago. Judah Alexander. They called with such excitement and sent a couple pictures for me to see his cute face. I fell in love. His big brown eyes, his tiny little body. I immediately could not wait for December when he would come home to live his life with them. My newest nephew joined the family that day.

We found out about a week later he had been hospitalized briefly. The nurse in me started running through different reasons why he was hospitalized. But he was back at his orphanage...good news. Then we found out last week he was back in the hospital receiving IV antibiotics. The next day my SIL spoke with the adoption agency and found out he was very sick with pneumonia. On Thursday, he was moved to the ICU at a different hospital. We were all praying. Praying for his little lungs (he only weighed a little over 5 lbs). Prayed for the doctors and nurses. Prayed he would pull through. I went to bed Thursday, hopeful.

Friday morning I woke up. It was my birthday but it just didn't feel like it. Something was not right. Then the phone rang. I missed my brother's call and called right back. Sitting in the floor of my room at my mom's house I heard my brother's voice more broken than I have ever heard it. Before the words even came out I knew what was coming. Judah didn't make it. He had died earlier that morning. My heart broke. Broken for my nephew who died. Broken for my Brother and SIL who were now facing a very unique situation where grieving was very real. Their son was gone. The one they waited on for a year and a half. Tears started flowing, words could not come out. I took the phone to my mom so he could tell her as well. The rest of the morning is a complete blur. My mom and I ran a couple errands but said maybe a few words. Tears started flowing from either of us without warning. We were scheduled to have facials done at a local spa for my birthday. We were late arriving but they certainly didn't care when the two of us came walking in, red eyes, my mom crying, me stone faced. They were so sweet to pamper us and try to cheer us up. We spent a couple hours at the spa, I think just to avoid the reality that awaited us when we walked outside. As I put it, I was hiding behind my eyelids during the facial. Judah never left my mind but I was able to keep my composure.

Friday also began a big celebration weekend for my mom's birthday (her's is exactly one week after mine). Family was coming from 4 states to celebrate. Though mom and I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide we knew the family would be so good for all of us. My brother and SIL arrived around 9 friday night and I was so happy to see them. One look at my brother and being engulfed in his big hug and the tears started flowing again. And it got worse when I hugged my SIL. We lost a family member on Friday. One we only saw a picture of. Never was able to hold. I pray God is telling him how much we loved him here in the states. My eyes were opened once again through this. I have spent time in Africa. I have seen the hospitals there. But how quickly I can forget after working in a state of the art hospital in ATL. My eyes are open, my heart is broken. Judah is on my mind so much still. I am still processing. Questions going through my mind that will never have answers and maybe I don't want to know. I talked to my SIL on Saturday and I can't imagine the pain she is experiencing. A mother who lost her child, but in such a unique way. Some of my broken heart is for them. Seeing them hurt and grieve is hard. I want to take the pain away but I can't. I can only pray for them. And remember Judah's sweet life with them. It was a birthday I will never forget.